Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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