I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
