im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
