My friends, they love my intelligence
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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