I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
