I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
