We should be called the Road Head Warriors
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
