I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Randomize
