this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
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