you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
