one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
