Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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