Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
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