it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
