Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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