so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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