The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
