Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
