Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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