He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I will be naked everywhere
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
