sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
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