if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
