I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Randomize
