it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
