Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Randomize
