I think I died a long time ago.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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