And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
