my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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