You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
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