Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
