i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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