its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Randomize
