Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
