when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
