Just took my morning after pill in the library
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
