I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize
