this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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