she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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