I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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