out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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