My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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