When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
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