my room smells like sperm. sweet.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Im part way to drunk.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
