Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
i already hear my dad disowning me
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Randomize
