I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
