i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
