I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
