Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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