I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize