You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
