She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize
