She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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