who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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