Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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