I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
