her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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