The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize