And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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