Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
