so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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