I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
