Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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