i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
