some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
