My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
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