Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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