Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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